Dating Tips: Similarity vs. Compatibility

For anyone currently dating or looking for advice in the dating world, you’ve most likely already read articles on the best place to take your date or on what pick-up lines you should use. But then, you may be finding that you still aren’t connecting. A slightly different dating tip you may not have considered is about compatibility. Compatibility is all about how two people complement each other, and how their values match up. This may not be something you think about much, especially in the early days of dating someone, but it’s vital if you’re looking for a long-term partner.

We sometimes have assumptions about people’s personality based on things we see or learn about them. This may be the way they dress or the job they have. We all have had a moment when we’re dating someone, and we find out they have a job that we perceive to be boring, for example, that changes our perception of them. What’s key, though, is that things like jobs, and even interests, don’t necessarily impact your compatibility with them. If you find someone funny and easy to be around, but they are an accountant, and this doesn’t fit with your personal values of being creative, it may initially put you off. You may think that you could never spend your life with someone with such a job, and that it will stifle your own creativity. This is something that many people do subconsciously, but after looking into the scenario, it’s hopefully obvious that this shouldn’t be the case.

Just because someone has jobs or hobbies that aren’t similar to yours doesn’t necessarily mean they will be a bad match for you. Many people reading this will likely have encountered someone that on paper should be your best friend or a great potential partner; you have the same interests and hobbies and lots in common. When you get to know them better, though, you find that you aren’t compatible at all, and that the person gets on your nerves, or you simply don’t have much to talk about outside of your shared interest.

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On the flip side, you may find someone that you’re very different to, but you get along exceptionally well. You connect on a deeper level than just interests, but you share the same values or the same view on the world. This is a much deeper connection than simply liking the same films. This point is even more essential when you’re looking to find a partner online, or if you’re browsing the next best website to find a single man to marry. On these websites and apps, the ‘shallow’ interests are more shown, and it takes time to get to the core of who someone really is.

The next time you see someone and have a knee-jerk reaction that you won’t be compatible, try giving them a chance instead, and see if your values align even if your more obvious interests don’t.

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